Weeping Forward

"Although there will be weeping in this life, the direction in which we weep is truly what matters. Be encouraged. God sees your tears. Cry them, wipe them, feel them, but don't let them stop you. IT'S POSSIBLE TO CRY AND WALK" ~ Kelly Minter

Thursday I realized that I would be saying, "goodbye" to people that I dearly love, a church that has been a second home to me for over two years, and suddenly the 50+ hours that I spent each week working would be free. The reasons for this goodbye are not the point for this post nor are they important... the purpose of this post is that this transition is difficult, there has been (with more to come) a lot of weeping. This morning I said "goodbye" to children that have attached themselves to my heart forever, to their parents, and to my church. During this time of transition and sadness, something kept coming back to mind, a study that I had done on the book of Ruth, the term, "weeping forward" kept repeating itself over and over in my mind, trying to creep into my heart... I realized that the Holy Spirit was trying to bring something to my attention... so tonight, I dug out my Bible study on Ruth and to my surprise...

One year ago to the day... June 23, 2010, I began my journey through Kelly Minter's "Ruth: loss, love, and legacy". If this doesn't reiterate God's timing to you, I'm sorry, but to me, it's undeniable. One year to the day... I began a study on loss, love, and legacy. I began to study a short book in the Bible that is chocked full of incredible nuggets of knowledge and truth. I studied this woman, Ruth, who followed her mother in law, Naomi back to Naomi's homeland; a land in which she would be a stranger, an outcast, where she would have no rights and no one. Ruth had lost her husband, but she chose to "weep forward" and follow her mother in law into a land she didn’t' know, to people that she didn't know; to a God she didn't know.

I followed this woman's journey as she gleaned in a field, as she won the approval of Boaz, as she married Boaz (her kinsman-redeemer), as she gave birth to Obed; I followed her journey from weeping to rejoicing. From setting out to a foreign country with a bitter companion to a beautiful ending in which she gave birth to a son in the direct lineage of Jesus. What a story!

What if she had just wept? What if she had wept and wallowed in her weeping? What if she had wept backwards? The consequences of any of those scenarios wouldn't have ended in such a beautiful story.

"So tell me, what is our ending? Will it be beautiful, so beautiful?" ~ Barlow Girl

I want a beautiful ending. I want a beautiful journey. I am so thankful that God's timing isn't our own. That He orchestrates things in a way that we can't. That He cares so much for me that He led me through a study one year ago andthat he brought it back into my spirit today... to remind me of his plans, of my purpose. There is no doubt that I am weeping but there is also no doubt that I am weeping in any direction but forward!

I am convinced that God has a plan. That he makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and that in Him I will find everything I need.

“Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. I know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain but if that’s what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain”

I am reminded through all of this that:
"He loves us, oh how He loves us, oh how He loves us, oh how He loves! We are His portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, if grace is an ocean we're all sinking!"

Thankful...

Life is full of choices... good, bad, plain... everything we do is a conscious choice. I don't always make the best choices; in fact, there are a lot of times I make the wrong ones which brings me into my title... thankful.

Thankful for the beautiful gift of a giant box of diapers that someone gave me today, thankful for the coupons for all things baby given to me by another person, thankful for the friend who so generously gave of her time to lend an ear, thankful for a large group of amazing children who learned so much today at VBS, thankful for an incredible group of volunteers who gave so generously of their time to make sure that God's plan unfolds this week in the lives of those amazing children, thankful that the broken light didn't fall and shatter, thankful that the microphone worked in assembly, thankful that Eli smiled at me and gave me a huge hug and kiss, thankful for safety of my family and the comfort of our home... Reading this list, you can see that I have a lot to be thankful for. This, I know to be true.

BUT... instead of remembering all of those wonderful blessing in my life I allow myself to become sidetracked into focusing on the little bit of negative that creeps in from time to time. I enlarge it in my mind and blow it up to the point that it looks so much larger than that long list of good/blessings from one day. Is this just plain human nature? Probably so... but I am realizing that when I become sidetracked, I cease to be effective, and when I cease to be effective, I am not living out the call that God has placed on my life. The truth is that if I stay focused on Him, the good is accentuated but when I focus on other things or people, the good isn't always accentuated. So...

Tonight I keep coming back to one of my very favorite songs and these lines keep running through my head: Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face and the things of Earth shall grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

If we all simply turned our eyes upon Jesus... the struggles of our daily lives wouldn't seem so daunting! This isn't an easy thing to do... we have to make a daily (sometimes moment to moment) choice to refocus our eyes on Jesus and allow the things in our lives that cloud our view to grow dim in the light of His glory and in His wonderful grace.

Thankful for His grace, His mercy, His forgiveness, His love, but most importantly I am supremely thankful for Jesus who laid down His life so that I could choose to follow Him.

7 Years Ago Today

7 years ago today, I married my best friend. That sounds incredibly cliche' I know, but it's really the truth. Tommy is the one person in the world that knows all of me, my secrets, joys, fears, hopes, dreams, good, and bad. He accepts me for me and I love him for that.

7 years ago today, I was 18, Tommy was a whole 1 year older than me!!! :) We were young... we were energized... we were naive... we were excited... we were ready to take the world by storm... we were deeply in love...

Fast forward 7 years... I am 25, Tommy is still a whle 1 year older than me! :) We are still young... we are a little less energized... we are a lot less naive... we are still excited... we still want to take on the world... but most importantly, we are still deeply in love!!!

Our life/marriage is far from perfect. We have bad days but we have days that are supremely good too! We're in love with each other and we have dreams that we want to achieve together. We're blessed to have found each other at such a young age and to have stuck together through the not so good days. We face the next years knowing that the sun doesn't always shine but that as long as we put God first and make each other a priority, that we will go the distance.

Here's a look at us through these 7 years:

Our Wedding Day:

One of my favorite pictures of us: married about 2 years...

Married about 3 years... we decided to get out of town for Thanksgiving...

5th Anniversary trip to Destin...

First Mother's Day... married almost 6 years

And then there were three...

Our most recent family photo...



7 Years :)

Looks like we've made it, look how far we've come my baby. I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T LISTEN

LOOK AT WHAT WE COULD BE MISSING... they said, "I bet, they'll never make it" but just look at us holding on. We're still together still going strong. You're still the one!

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This... but what we do with them is what's important!!

So, there I was (for those of you who don’t know, the sign that something is about to be a good, listen up story, is ‘so there I was’…) lying in bed on Friday morning somewhere around 1:30 A.M. when I had finally finished my homework and planning for the kid’s event the next night, when I decided to really quickly run through the events that would take place when I woke up in a few hours. These were my thoughts: I will get up at 7:30, hang out with Eli for a few minutes, drink a diet coke, get ready, get Eli ready, swing into Maryland’s for a breakfast sandwich (because the sign out front has been drawing me closer to it every day this week and I haven’t given in… but I know me and operating off of little sleep, a breakfast sandwich will make my morning brighter), will arrive early to Eli’s 1 year picture appointment in Bainbridge with 3 clean, beautiful outfits and his green monkey and we will all be happy to be there (not to mention that pictures will go very well), return to Cairo, drop E off at the sitter, make a mad dash to Tallahassee, shop for VBS and Fabulous Friday supplies, have a nice lunch with my hubby, rush back, have DR. appointment for sinus infection, set up for FF, have super awesome FF, go home, get some sleep… end thoughts!!

I love the quote by Robert Burns, “the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray”… because mine so often do! Here is what my day actually looked like:

7:30 trying to become human (I’m not a morning person)

7:45 in my quest to become human, I grab a Diet Coke… I proceed to drink it while watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with Eli. Eli decides that my drink looks much better than his so he proceeds to hit my diet coke… I have a good grasp, tell him “no” and hand him his sippy cup of good, healthy water. (yay for a good mommy moment!) A few minutes later, he decides he will try again and hits my diet coke, I repeat my previous actions and all is well in Who-Ville. However, a few minutes later, E tries yet again and I don’t have such a good grasp this time… Diet Coke goes flying… all over me, Eli, the red suede couch, the floor, his books…. I say (firmly) "Eli" and try to keep the can from doing any more harm and then, a scream that I have never heard come from my child, fills the room! (boo for a not so good mommy moment!) He was hysterical, I wasn’t happy, we weren’t jiving…  I felt horrible because I couldn’t calm him… this isn’t a pretty scene!

Did I mention that it’s 8:20 and I’m not even close to ready to go? I have finally stopped the screaming and tears but now, my beautiful boy doesn’t want to let me go… he’s attached. Every time I put him down, he screams… It’s 8:50, I am throwing clothes on frantically while E cries and screams from his playpen… I have no makeup on… BTW

It’s 9:10 we’re in the car on the way to Bainbridge, no makeup, no breakfast, no significant amount of caffeine, 1 outfit to wear in pictures, and a baby with puffy eyes from crying… YAY!!!

Pictures go well; I think this horrible morning is turning around. I drop E off at daycare and I’m still not great but I’m optimistic. I swing by the DR office and say that I won’t be able to make my appointment today because I’m running behind… they say, the DR has had a cancellation and is free right now! I’m thinking great… my day has turned around this is awesome! “Okay, great” I say. 1.5 hours later, I leave the office, never saw my doctor, I saw a doctor but mine, who was free, had 3 patients ahead of me…

I drive (quickly) to Tally… meet the hubby for lunch… let’s just say that our time together wasn’t awesome… (We’ve all been there, right?!)

I go to Michael’s to buy VBS supplies… I’m really cramped for time but I park and call hubby to chat for a second and while I’m on the phone, an 84 year old man rear-ends me in the parking lot. YAY! (I do want to say that I was extremely nice to the gentleman even though I was in an incredibly bad mood… I went over Galatians 5:23 in my head…) 45 minutes later when the nice police officer comes and we finish all the paperwork, I head into Michaels. They of course don’t have what I need but I don’t have time to worry about that… onto Wal-Mart.

During my 30 minute drive to Wal-Mart, I call my closest female friend and share the events of my day… this is when my day began to turn around. I realize that all of these other events are being magnified because of my horrible start with E (who I care more about than anything in this world) and I won’t feel any better until I’m holding him. I then decide to take time that I don’t have and go pick him up, (the logistics of how I will set up for the children’s event don’t matter at this point) when I opened the door to the daycare, E saw me, and started jumping up and down in his crib!! My day was instantly better!!! All the rushing, the dent in my car, the diet coke everywhere, the wait at the office… it all didn’t matter anymore… at that moment it was all about what is important.

The point to this really long account of my day? It could have been avoided!! Don’t get me wrong, there are days that are bad and there is nothing you can do about it but not this one. I could have been more prepared, laid out all the outfits ahead of time, gotten up earlier and gotten ready, and started off on the right foot with Eli; but most importantly, I could have and should have gotten up and met with someone of ultimate importance… I should have humbled myself and asked for guidance, wisdom, and peace from God. I should have given Him my day, my to do list, Eli, Tommy, and all of me before the day ever started. Why do we find this so hard to do? That is my goal this week… to meet with Him before I even meet with me!!... let Him lead. That’s what I intend to do with my “day”!