New Year... Again? Wow!

2012 has been a great year. It has had it's challenges but it has also had it's triumphs. I started this year hoping to live my life more on purpose. I didn't do everything on my bucket list and am ashamed that I didn't do some of the most important things. However, all in all, I"m pleased with the way I lived 2012. Sure, I made some mistakes and I'm sorry for them. I'm sorry for anyone I hurt this year or any pain that I caused. I'm sorry for not being the best wife, mother, daughter,and friend that I can be. But I have decided to not spend my life looking back or regretting a moment. I have decided to consider the mistakes as lessons learned. I am very thankful for the lessons I learned this year and I am confident that with God's help I can use the lessons to grow and become more like Jesus. I hope that in 2013 I can give more forgiveness and grace and receive the forgiveness and grace that I will no doubt continue to need since none of us are perfect on this side of Heaven.

I pray that all of my family and friends have a very blessed new year!
This song is my goal for the new year: http://youtu.be/PnOcWkSbNqQ


This was my bucket list for 2012:

2012 Bucket List:

Big Rock #1 - God
1. Read the entire Bible
2. Have at least 30 minutes of quiet time every day (prayer and Bible study)
3. Ask God to show me where I can help others and be intentional about sharing the salvation message!!
4. Find a way to feed hungry people (don't know what this looks like but it's weighing on my heart)
Big Rock #2- Tommy (our marriage)
5. 365 days of notes (simple I love you or I appreciate you because... written on a post note)
6. Daily Check in/ devotional time (no phones, no television, after the munchkin is asleep!) Not daily but often
7. Monthly hot date! 
8. 2 night camping trip (just the two of us) 2 nights away… check!
Big Rock #3- Eli
9. 1 hour of outside time each day that I don't have school                                                                        10. Daily devotional time with the God and Me book I gave him for Christmas
11. Research and enroll Eli in a pre k 2 year old program
12. Take a trip to the ATL Aquariaum and Zoo - JAX
13. Visit WA once per week (when they are open)
Big Rock #4- Health and Fitness 
14. Lose 75 pounds - I have lost 12 pounds!
15. 30 minutes of exercise 5 times per week
16. Walk in the Boston mini marathon
17. Take 1 hr for myself each week
18. Give up Diet Coke
Big Rock #5- School
19. Finish all classes that I register for
20. Maintain a 3.0 GPA
Big Rock #6- Mary Kay
21. Become a star consultant
21 Earn a red jacket.
Big Rock #7- Church Work
22. Complete Lay Speaker Certification
23. Complete The Christian as a Minister
24. Continue to embrace the role of pastor's wife
Big Rock #8- Close Friends
25. Stay connected via e mail and facebook
26. Stay involved in weekly Bible Study
Big Rock #9- Finances
27. Pay off credit card - Paid down $1400 but still have some to go! 
28. Pay off hospital bill
29. sell Tahoe
30. Learn to coupon
MISC
31. Read 6 books 

This is my bucket list for 2013:

1Read the Bible entirely

2Follow Christ closer than ever before

3Lose 80 pounds

4GRADUATE!!!

5Get accepted into Graduate School

6Get a graduate assistantship

7 Read 10 books

8Grow in self-discipline (stick to schedule, workout with Tommy…)

9Become a runner

1Go hunting and fishing at least once with Tommy

1Travel somewhere I’ve never been

1 Pay off credit card

1There are a few more that I am choosing to keep to myself for now. J

Waking Up... Reality

Tommy and I took Eli on our annual trip to Mark's Melon Patch this weekend... this was the third time! Seriously, the third year, already? How is that even possible? A lot of things have been going on in our lives over the past few months that quite honestly have distracted me from what's really important. I have a deep love for God but the past few months, the distractions have kept my eyesight focused away from Him and full of emotions that aren't good for me. His love is always good for me... eyesight refocused. I have an incredible husband who loves me for who I am and a son who thinks I rock... he loves me "in pieces" but instead of focusing on their love for me, these distractions have had me focused on the lack of love instead of the abundance of it. Not anymore, eyesight refocused. They say that when you go through times of trial and heavy distraction (I'm paraphrasing) that you find out who your friends are; I believe that's true... I have found that out and I'm thankful for those people more than they know. Eyesight refocused. I was doing Bible study this week and it kept taking me back to Romans 12. I needed Romans 12 this week... my heart and soul needed to soak in every last word of Romans 12. It was an eye exam in the Word. It hurt to see that I was walking in a way that I shouldn't be but it also lovingly reminded me, even in the conviction, that God has my back and He will deal with my enemies; that is His job, not mine.

"Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with a mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to total strangers. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. No, if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads." Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good."
Romans 12:9-21

I am thankful for the forgiveness that God has given me because in my hurt and anger I have caused others pain. This scripture is my new motto. "if it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.". Sometimes, you just have to do what you don't want to do or feel like doing. Not because others deserve it but because the Lord requires it and He only wants the best for you... for me. He loves my enemies as much as He loves me... period! I pray that the hurt I am responsible for will be forgiven; I can honestly say that I have forgiven the hurt caused to me. And my eyesight has been refocused.

I don't want to miss another second of God, of Tommy, of Eli. Look how fast he's grown!

 Our First Trip to the Patch ~ 6 months

 Our Second Trip to the Patch ~ 1 1/2 years

 Our Third Trip to the Patch ~ 2 1/2 years

And... a blog post today (on the eve of a very special day) wouldn't be complete without wishing my brother & sister (that sounds funny but we're family... just not blood... LOL) a Happy One Year Anniversary! We love you guys!

I'm so thankful that Jesus is the friend of sinners and that His love is deep, wide, high, and long and it covers a multitude of sins. I'm thankful for the knowledge that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God but He is always waiting to pick us up, dust us off, and wrap us in love. Eye sight refocused.

3 Months Left ~ Let's Do This

Yesterday as I was enjoying a cup of coffee and that beautiful feeling of fall that I wait for every year; it occurred to me that the year is almost over! What have I done with it? What did I want to do with it? 365 days have almost passed, did I accomplish any of the things I had wanted to? I pulled up my 2012 Bucket List and the results are less than pleasing...

2012 Bucket List:

Big Rock #1 - God
1. Read the entire Bible - In progress... thank the Lord for Bible in 90 Days!
2. Have at least 30 minutes of quiet time everyday (prayer and Bible study) FAIL
3. Ask God to show me where I can help others and be intentional about sharing the salvation message!! FAIL
4. Find a way to feed hungry people (don't know what this looks like but it's weighing on my heart) FAIL
Big Rock #2- Tommy (our marriage)
5. 365 days of notes (simple I love you or I appreciate you because... written on a post note) FAIL
6. Daily Check in/ devotional time (no phones, no television, after the munchkin is asleep!) Not daily but often
7. Monthly hot date! 
8. 2 night camping trip (just the two of us) FAIL
Big Rock #3- Eli
9. 1 hour of outside time each day that I don't have school - Not daily but more often
10. Daily devotional time with the God and Me book I gave him for Christmas - FAIL
11. Research and enroll Eli in a pre k 2 year old program
12. Take a trip to the ATL Aquariaum and Zoo - JAX
13. Visit WA once per week (when they are open)
Big Rock #4- Health and Fitness 
14. Lose 75 pounds - I have lost 22 pounds... I won't reach a loss of 75 this year but I am hoping to reach a loss of at least 45. This isn't a total fail.
15. 30 minutes of exercise 5 times per week FAIL... But I went to the gym this morning and rocked it out.
16. Walk in the Boston mini marathon - Hasn't happened yet, but it will!
17. Take 1 hr for myself each week
18. Give up Diet Coke FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL
Big Rock #5- School
19. Finish all classes that I register for
20. Maintain a 3.0 GPA
Big Rock #6- Mary Kay
21. Become a star consultant
21. Earn a red jacket - SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT
Big Rock #7- Church Work
22. Complete Lay Speaker Certification - Happening this month
23. Complete The Christian as a Minister - FAIL
24. Continue to embrace the role of pastor's wife
Big Rock #8- Close Friends
25. Stay connected via e mail and facebook
26. Stay involved in weekly Bible Study
Big Rock #9- Finances
27. Pay off credit card - Paid down $1200 but still have some to go! 
28. Pay off hospital bill
29. sell Tahoe
30. Learn to coupon - NOPE
MISC
31. Read 6 books 

As you can see, there is a lot that I haven't done. While I have succeeded in some areas, I have failed miserably in others. What did you want to do this year? Have you done it all? Have you made the most of the time that you have been given? If not, there is good news! We have 3 months left! We can live them on purpose; make the most of every moment! Let's get busy and live like we're dying... lets not look at this list on December 31st and go, man, I wasted this year... next year I'll do it different. Let's close out 2012 with a bang!! :)

All About My Boys :)

It's been a while since I blogged about our family or given an update on our little guy. Eli is growing like a weed and I swear that he learns something new everday! Here are just a few of the amazing/funny/beautifully crazy things that he does now:

* When he feels like someone isn't paying attention to him (usually in the car in between random conversations...) he starts singing bible songs... when you don't acknowledge his singing... he sings LOUDER!!
* He is in an EXTREME mommy phase right now! Won't let Daddy put him to bed, wants me to do everything with him and take him everywhere, he tells me he misses me when I leave the room for 2 seconds... he even refuses to give hugs to other people sometimes, and the other day, told his Aunt KK to go away... it's crazy and exahusting but... I am treasuring that I am his best friend and he is my baby... I was told when I found out he was a boy that boys LOVE their mama's and I am finding out it's oh so true!
* He can now count to twenty with no help!
* He can spell his name and tell you his last name. As well as my name and Tommy's.
* He is 36" tall and can ride a mini roller coaster at Wild Adventures and thinks it's the best!
* He stays dry all of the time now, no more diapers, even at night! Such a big boy... I'm so proud!
* His favorite song is "Jesus Loves the Little Children" and he loves it when we sing together.
* He loves the library and his favorite books (besides his Bible) are the Llama Llama books.
* He loves swinging and can sniff out a toddler swing from a mile away!
* He can hit a ball with a bat when you throw it to him, not just off the tee.
* He loves to play chase (where I am always a bear and he is a tiger), he loves to be scared, and he loves to hide and seek (although he doesn't really get the counting concept)
* His favorite foods are strawberries, hotdogs, peanut butter and jelly sushi, milk, and fruit snacks.
* He does get the occasional treat of ice cream or a cookie but he still isn't allowed to have juice, soda, or tea... and I'm very okay with that... he loves milk and he asks for water and that makes my heart happy that he will be healthier than me!
* Doc McStuffins and Mickey Mouse are a staple during tv time... and watching Lady and the Tramp in Mommy's bed is almost a nightly before bed ritual (although not the whole thing... we've seen the first 15 minutes about 1000 times!)

There is so much more but this is all I'm going to leave you with for now! He's a big growing boy and we're extremely blessed! I wanted to share a few pictures of our family day today. We went to Moe's to see Uncle Pookey and Aunt KK and then we went to the Tallahassee Museum... sweaty but oh so much fun!!

 He was so ready for his Uncle Pookey to get there!

 There at last!!

 And then KK too!!

 Drenched in sweat but having a really good time at the museum!

 Daddy & E

 Playing with the dinosaurs (his favorite) in the air conditioning (my favorite!)

 The really long snakes!

 Going down the slide together.

This playground was made for 5-12 year olds and E did it without any help!

SO indpendent... wonder where he gets that from?!

 See what I mean about swings?

 Daddy's shoulders are the best!

 We ended the day with a rare treat... a pizza party picnic!

I had publix sushi, the boys had publix pizza... it was fun!

Blurry but cute! :)

The "Grey" Area

Tonight I asked Tommy to give me his perspective on "Fifty Shades of Grey". I have been reading a lot of commentary from believers and non believers alike about this book and the spectrum seems to be extremely broad; either they love it or they are totally against it. After doing my own research on the book, my personal opinion is that it is not only degrading to women but it is damaging to the marriages of it's readers. I for one don't allow pornography in my home, it would hurt me to my core if my husband were lustful in his heart, mind, or eyes for any other woman. Sex is about visuals for men, while for women it's more in their minds and emotions; that is what this book plays on... creating a fantasy and "grey" area for it's readers. I'm in NO way judging anyone who has read or is going to read this series, hear my heart ladies (or men) I am simply saying that we need to guard our hearts and our minds and keep them holy and pure before the Lord and our husbands. Our sexual desires should be stimulated and fulfilled by our husbands alone, they deserve our full hearts, heads, and emotions in the most intimate part of our marriage... not the leftovers from a book we read, movie we watched, or some guy we saw. I say this to myself as well as to you, reading this... no judgement, just love and sincerity. We all have things in our lives that convict us, mine are different from yours... and we have to walk them out for ourselves before the Lord. Here is a man's take on the matter:

 

Unfortunately Katie has asked me to post my opinion about this book. She has said that she wanted to see a husbands perspective about this apparently hot topic among believers and non believers. I say unfortunately because it is yet anoth...er issue that has come up among Christian brothers and sisters in Christ and there is not a clear defining line. Please don't misunderstand, this topic is not at all new in our homes, its just brought to the surface by this author and I am not at all judging people for their choices, God is the judge of your heart and no one else should tell you otherwise. Some people believe that this trilogy is harmless reading and after all what is really wrong with a "little fantasy" about another man, his mistress, and their contractual agreement to pursue whatever desires they please. Mr. Grey represents just that doesn't he. That "Grey" line between fantasy and reality for the reader. It's ok because it's in that "Grey" area and we really aren't lusting or coveting after someone who isn't our partner and when people question us and hold us accountable we call them judgmental because they shouldn't tell us that we can't read this book because it's in the grey area. Who are they to judge? What do they know that I don't? Who are they to say that it is dangerous to live in the "Grey" area? Most of us are not judgmental. Most of us have felt the effects of sexual impurity in marriage. I'm not talking about cheating on your wife but just the look into a magazine at a scantily clad women who are not your wife. Most of us, those called judgmental, can plainly see the effects of those types of women degrading books on people's marriages because they know the pain their wife felt when they admitted that they had lust in their heart. Men I call this post unfortunate because a lot of men have let their families down in this area and very few have posted anything, good or bad, about this book that I have seen so far and if you have, thank you. This post is unfortunate because we say that this book is ok but yet we can't figure out the communication issues people have in their marriages. We can't figure out why divorce is so rampant in our nation and churches. We can't figure out why living together before marriage is the norm and the beautiful gift of intimacy, not just in the bedroom mind you, between a man and woman is so degraded. Women ask why does my husband look at that stuff and men ask why does my wife not respect me? Maybe it's because we can't clearly define the line, maybe it's because we would rather live in the "Grey" area. Men, please stand up for your wives and share your opinions about this book, we stand in the background enough don't you think? Men of God, be courageous, Take a stand!

Do You Believe in Life After Facebook?

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Remember that Cher song that we all hated/loved/hated... Do you believe in life after love?... that came to mind today when I made the choice to stop using Facebook for a while... as I contemplated my decision and felt my heart beating inside of my chest I began to ask myself, "Do you believe in life after facebook?"... why is it so hard to let it go? That's when I knew I really did have to let it go... it's become something too big in my life. I feel as if I need to stand in front of a room of people and say, "Hi, my name is Katie and I am a facebook addict." I know this seems absurd but the truth is that I go days without reading the Word of God but I can't go 1 hour without checking facebook to see what's going on, who's doing what, who liked my picture, or my status or lets get even more real... was that status directed at me?, why doesn't this person ever respond to me on here but they respond to everyone else?, and why wasn't I invited. Seriously, I have had these thoughts and I know how ridiculous they are. The truth is that Facebook doesn't bring me peace, it doesn't bring me closer to God, and it doesn't create things in my thought life that are pure, holy, noble, lovely, or admirable. I'm not saying that facebook is a bad thing or that I don't find some happiness in it. I enjoy posting pictues of my family, seeing pictures of my friend's families, and everyone knows that if you want to know information about anyone all you have to do is view a few pages! Leaving Facebook behind is going to make me feel less connected to people and to life but I think that might be just what I need.

The truth is that I should have done this a year ago. I should have logged off for a while and learned a new way of life when my world was changing so much. Someone very close to me shared with me that I am more stressed now than I was when I was working 50+ hours a week. That should not be the case. However, I'm not spending my time in an effective way. I'm not spending the time with the Peace giver. I tell myself it's because I don't have time but then I look at my facebook usage, how much time I watching television, and how much time I spend on Pintrest it's abundantly clear that time isn't my issue, my issue is time managment and priorities. Facebook shouldn't take priority over playing in the floor with my son. It shouldn't take priority over actually talking with people. It definitely shouldn't take priority over spending time with God.

John Wesley's mother described sin this way, ""Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself."

For me, that pretty much sums it up. I have allowed facebook to become a sin for me... because it has taken a place in my life that it never should have. It causes me anxiety and keeps me from doing the things I should be doing. I know this is a bluntly honest post but I have to stop caring what the world thinks of me and start caring a lot more of what God has to say about me.

Peace and Blessings! (for you KB!)

Twenty Six ~ Fresh Start ~ New Leaf ~ Lessons Learned

I have had a wonderful birthday! I love when my birthday falls on Easter, I truly feel that it's a special present from God to me... because, I'm His favorite! (and so are you!) Twenty-six... A number I have been dreading for the crazy reason that I am now on THAT side of 30! However, I have had a change of heart; actually, I've been experiencing a change of heart over the past few months. I have often viewed my life as not enough, not what I had exactly anticipated, certainly filled with bad choices thrown in there with incredibley good ones. I have pretty much always gone against the grain... to the beat of my own drum! I have felt recently that my life has included a lot of failure; I haven't yet graduated from college, I'm overweight, my husband and I have debt that we need to pay off, and there are things that happened in the past year that satan tried to use to solidify these feelings of failure and lack of purpose and destiny. But God... God sees me for who He created me to be. He created me for His purposes, for a destiny that I am discovering daily as I seek His face. I'm learning that it doesn't matter what the world says about me, it doesn't matter what some friends or family say about me, what matters is what God says about me. Quite honestly, if the people in my life aren't supporting God's view of me and encouraging me to seek Him and become all that He has for me, if they are fueling the flame of failure rather than the flame of success, if they are pulling me in the wrong direction, then it's probably a sign that they don't need to be in my inner circle. I am learning that with age (most of the time) comes wisdom and I have decided that life is just too short. Too short to worry about who's talking about me. Too short to worry about who doesn't like me or something I do. Too short to worry about every single detail. Too short to spend time with people that drag me down. Too short to do anything less than live a life pleasing unto God!!

One of the biggest mistakes I have made in my life is that I let life pass me by. I neglect the moment and before I know it, the moment has passed. Well, not anymore! I am determined to savor each second God blesses me with life, to enjoy life's smallest gifts, to listen to my son's every noise becasuse all too soon, he won't want Mommy to to attend to his every need. I am determined to love my husband and respect him as the man of God that he is, to value our marriage as holy and sacred before the Lord and to be thankful that we found love so young! I am determined to live my life on purpose!

26 will be my best year yet! I've already begun a process of change. Change in my mind, change in my lifestyle, change in my body, and even change in wardrobe! I'm allowing God to do a work on the inside and on the out. I already made mistakes today in my journey of becoming all that I can be but tonight as I type this, I can say with purness of heart that I have no unforgiveness because I called a person that I have been harboring unforgiveness towards, humbled myself, and asked for forgivness and offered it. That makes me free to be forgiven of my sins and mistakes. Glory to God! I've learned that life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of what we make it!! I'm going to make this year great inspite of what comes my way... I already know that this year has to be better than last year because through the trials and tears of this year, God has made my skin thicker, my spirit stronger, and my heart more full of compassion! Watch out world... this year will see a growing me... I will be shrinking in size physically but growing in size spiritually!! God is going to do amazing things... all for His glory!

Just a couple of photos to show the outward tranformation that has taken place since my last birthday and lyrics to a song that sums it up!

 Me and Mr. Eli last year on my birthday!

 Me and Mr. Eli this year at my birthday celebration!

 Me with my sis Kayla

 Me with my sister Shelley!

Me with the most wonderful husband that a girl could ask for!!

There's some things that I regret,

Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.